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Ooo Look At Me I'm A Big Scary Ghost/Transcript
(The episode starts with Charmander still poisoned from the previous episode, waking up in a field next to a Sandshrew, which he spat on just as he woke up) Charmander: Eeuugh... Uhhgg... What's going o- URGH! Sandshrew: Aw jeez...uhhgh... Here, eat this. It cures poison. (Charmander eats the berry, and he starts to feel better, regaining his normal color) Sandshrew: Ho...huh... Poison, huh? Wow, uhum... You're- you're lucky I found you. Well- u-uh- um- mhmm- I- I guess you're the ones who found me because your friend Bulbasaur is the one who- Bulbasaur: (also cured of poison, having his regular color back) Charmander! You're up! Isn't this place amazing!? These berries are the best things I've ever eaten! A- Th- There's so many! And they're all free! Sandshrew: Well, technically they're mine. Everyone just sort of takes them. Bulbasaur: Auhohohohoho, You've gotta try the blue ones. They're my favorite. Charmander: SQUIRTLE! Auoh! We have to get him ba-! Dh- He's-! y-! Where are we!? Bulbasaur: Oh! We're in... Trees. Sandshrew: Actually we're north of Route Eight. Charmander: That doesn't help me! sigh Squirtle would know where that is. Urrrgh! Can't believe I let this happen! Stupid! STUPID! Sandshrew: Hey! Hey hey! Don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes. I actually think they can be pretty useful. You know? Um... They say, "Every mistake is an opportunity to learn something new and improve yourself!" Charmander: What the hell are you supposed to be? Sandshrew: I'm- I'm Sandshrew. Charmander: Oh yeah, I don't care. Tyuhh...okay, focus! Where would they take him? (Charmander hears eating sounds in the distance) Charmander: Is that...? That BIRD! Sandshrew: Oh, do you know him? 'Cause uh, he- he's here quite a lot. Charmander: WHAT!? Sandshrew: Yyeah... Do you think you can get him to- Oh alright, you're walking away. No, no, that's fine. (Pidgeotto is eating the berries as Charmander walks up to him) Charmander: YOU! Pidgeotto: 'Sup? Charmander: Don't "sup" me! You led us on a wild goose chase and you knew there were poison-curing berries here this WHOLE TIME! Pidgeotto: I did? HAH! I'm hilarious! Sandshrew: Yeah, I wouldn't listen to him. He- he's um... Eh- He- ugh... He has-... exhale Nobody likes him. Pidgeotto: whispering Psst! (holding an old boot) Put this in your mouth! Bulbasaur: Okay! (Charmander takes the old boot away from him and puts it down on the ground) Charmander: You-! Tttuhh...ffff... Empathy empathy empathy... Ttuh...Okay...Listen. You know those green worms we always hunt for food? Pidgeotto: Let me guess. One of them decided to bite back, and you're here because it trained a Nidoran to poison you. Charmander: How did you know that? Pidgeotto: Huh hah! See that's the difference between you and me. I'm smart. sounds full And unlike you, swallow I actually pay attention to what's goin' on around me! Sandshrew: The same exact thing keeps happening to him. That's why he keeps coming here. Pidgeotto: Hey. Tubby. Shut up! Sandshrew: Sorry, I'll stop talking. Charmander: Well I don't know about you, but I refuse to be pushed around by my food! Pidgeotto: Okay, cool. Charmander: And so should you! Ugh, look. You and I, we're predators. Maybe the worms can cheap shot us. But if we take them on together, they don't stand a chance. I say we team up. Remind them who the prey is. Pidgeotto: Hmmph. Well, I am sick of eating just these berries. Eh. Alright. I'm game. Let's do it. Charmander: Awesome! So where are they? Pidgeotto: They nest in Viridian Forest. It's about three clicks that way. Charmander: That way, huh? Pidgeotto: Yep. Charmander: Alright, in that case, we're going THIS way! Come on, Bulbasaur. Pidgeotto: W-wait. No! I was being serious this time! Charmander: afar Don't care! You suck! Pidgeotto: grumbles giggles softly Pidgeotto: What was that!? Sandshrew: AH! Oh! No no, nothing! I'm somewhere else now! Pidgeotto: Yeah, you BE somewhere else! (continues eating berries) (Scene cuts to black, then cuts to Lavender Town, where Charmander and Bulbasaur are) Charmander: Damn it! I can't believe I thought that would work. We're never gonna find him like this. Bulbasaur: Hey I know! Let's ask around. Maybe someone's seen him nearby. Charmander: How would- Egh- No. We're not gonna do that. Bulbasaur: Aw, okay. Charmander: Dyh- Tuhh- See, that's your problem, Bulbasaur! Squirtle at least knows how to stand up to me. You just go along with everything I say! Bulbasaur: Tha- That's not true! Charmander: Yes it is! Bulbasaur: Yeah, you're right. It probably is. Charmander: And now we're just gonna keep wandering around because we don't have ANY OTHER STRATEGIES! (A Haunter appears behind Bulbasaur) Haunter: Maybe we should go into that tower. Bulbasaur: Maybe we should go into that tower. Charmander: The tower? Why? Haunter: If we climb to the top, we'll have a better view of where we are. Bulbasaur: If we climb to the top, we'll have a better view of where we are. Charmander: You know, you really should come up with your own ideas rather than letting ghosts tell you what to do. Bulbasaur: Huh? Haunter: Awh- Ju- (disappears) Charmander: It's not a bad idea, though. Maybe we could get a better vantage point from up there. (Scene cuts to black, then cuts to the inside of Pokemon Tower, as Charmander and Bulbasaur find a floor) Charmander: The hell is this supposed to be? Bulbasaur: Huh. It looks like they want us to walk around some kind of maze. Charmander: Or we could just ya know... walk between them. Which is what I'm gonna do. (A Gastly appears suddenly behind Charmander) Gastly: BLEH! Charmander: Aah! Dy- (Charmander tries to attack Gastly, but cannot as his hands just go through Gastly, Charmander waves his hand through Gastly one more time) Gastly: BLAAH! Charmander: I think this whole place was built just to scare you. (Roaring is barely heard somewhere in the tower) Bulbasaur: I'm enjoying it so far. Charmander: Of course you are. (Charmander and Bulbasaur walk up the stairs and find a floor exactly the same as the last one) Charmander: What the- Does every floor look exactly the same? Bulbasaur: No wait, look! The maze pattern looks slightly different this time! Charmander: That's stupid. (Another Gastly suddenly appears next to Charmander) Gastly: BLEH! Charmander: See? Doesn't work. I expected it that time. Bulbasaur: Hey Mister Ball! Have you seen our friend Squirtle around? (Another roar is heard, but is a bit louder than the last one) Charmander: Ooooo real spooky, tower! Got any other tricks? Or at least different noises? (walks up the stairs to a different floor) Or are you just gonna keep doing the same thing over and- Well, that's different. (Charmander finds a dead Bulbasaur and a dead Charmander next to each other) (Bulbasaur walks up the stairs and stops next to Charmander) Bulbasaur: AAaaaghhh!!! I'm not having as much fun anymore! Charmander: Oh please. Someone's just trying to scare us away. Bulbasaur: But- tuh- B-bu- buyii- But ta- Charmander: And if they don't want us here, that makes me want to be here even more! Nobody tells me where I can't be! Bulbasaur: Djuh... Dddjjeeh... (Charmander walks up the stairs to another floor) Charmander: Huh... (Bulbasaur walks up and stops next to Charmander) Bulbasaur: AAAAAHHH! DdYaaAAAAaaaAAAhHHH!!! (Multiple dead Charmanders and dead Bulbasaurs are scattered everywhere) Charmander: I don't buy it. It's like they're trying way too hard. Bulbasaur: But di- da- but- eh- Yuhh- But-... But it- Charmander: Come on, Bulbasaur. If someone wanted us dead, they would just kill us. They wouldn't tell us they were gonna do it. (A gravestone pops up and says "YOU WILL DIE HERE BULBASAUR") Bulbasaur: babbling Charmander: Besides, it was your idea to come here in the first place. (walks up the stairs to another floor) And if you're gonna suggest something like that you'd better stick... to it. (Charmander sees himself crawling away from a mysterious figure, struggling to breathe) (The figure opens an eye, revealing itself to be a Haunter-like monster, and spontaneously picks up the Charmander struggling to get away) Charmander: AAAaaaah!!!! No! No no no! (The Haunter-like monster roars and eats Charmander) Charmander: No no no! Stop! STOP! AAAAAHHH!! AAaaaaahh!! (The Haunter-like monster suddenly looks at the real Charmander, with Bulbasaur somehow next to him, and roars) Bulbasaur: DuAAAAAaaaaAAAaaaahhh!!!!! (Bulbasaur runs down the stairs as Charmander prepares to attack the monster) (The monster roars again, Charmander finds a rock and throws at the monster) Haunter: (shifting back to his normal self) No no no no no no no no. Stop. Stop. (takes the rock out of his eye) What is THIS? Charmander: Huh. I knew it wasn't real. Haunter: No no no NO! No changing the subject. You answer me. What. Did you think, THIS would do? Charmander: I...I was attacking you. Haunter: I was a giant demon. You literally saw me EAT YOU. Did you think THIS would work? Charmander: Well it worked better than I thought it would. Haunter: Ugh. inhale If this were a REAL scenario, you would've died. Charmander: But it wasn't. So it doesn't matter. Now are you gonna attack me or what? Haunter: laughter You arrogant child. I've already begun my attack. The moment you crossed into this domain, you sealed your fate. Do you know what it means to be afraid? Do you understand your own fears? You will. And you won't know anything else. Because I don't create the fear. (Demonic) I AM THE FEAR. laughter (disappears) Charmander: The hell was that? Whatever. Come on Bulbasa- Aw damn it. (Charmander walks down the stairs to a different floor) Charmander: Bulbasaur! You can come back up! Told you it was just a... wait. (The floor is circular with no doors, only walls, a ceiling, and a floor) Charmander: Gyuh- That wasn't... Dyuh- hu- Wait! exhale (The stairs disappear and become a wall, then a silhouette of a human, assumingly Red, appears way behind Charmander) (Charmander turns to look at the silhouette, he looks to be a bit scared) Gastly: BLAH! (The floor returns to normal, with stairs again) Charmander: AAugh! Jeez! Aaaahhh! Huuhhh! Haunter: Really!? Ah- ugh- REALLY!? ugh... Charmander: Well congratulations! You scared me or whatever! Haunter: First of all, that wasn't me. I was setting up tension before SOMEONE decided to be RUDE! Gastly: Blagh! Haunter: Second, that wasn't scary. That was startling. Charmander: Wha-? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!? Haunter: There is a HUGE and IMPORTANT difference! Gastly: BLAAH! Haunter: By the way, this is what you turn into after you die. (referring to Gastly) That thought alone should existentially cripple you. Charmander: I don't care about ANY OF THIS! Take me to the top of this tower! Haunter: Uuugh! Simpleton! You can't just CLIMB the tower! You have to... EXPERIENCE the tower! Charmander: RRrrrragh! (Charmander tries to attack Haunter, but Haunter disappears immediately after Charmander lands on him) (Bulbasaur walks up to Charmander) "Bulbasaur": Hey Charmander! So..did you defeat the monster? Charmander: sigh Yeah, sure. Why not? Let's just keep going. (Charmander and Bulbasaur walk up to another floor, they find three strange things) (1. Three tombstones crying over a tombstone that says ALIVE) (2. Two eyeless Charmanders with no flame at the end of their tails circling around a boulder, one stops and looks around before walking again) (3. One mysterious burning tree) Tree: tree language eEErT~a~ToN~mA~i~!!!! Charmander: sigh Maybe coming in here was a mistake. "Bulbasaur": N-No... No! OH NO! Charmander: What? "Bulbasaur": Don't you see? We're already dead. That ghost killed us and we didn't even realize it. Now we're trapped here. Doomed to walk the same paths for the rest of our eternities! The ghost didn't just take our lives, he took our SOULS! ("Bulbasaur" starts vomiting black slime) Charmander: Yeah, you're not Bulbasaur. ("Bulbasaur" is revealed to be Haunter, appearing in a puff of smoke) Haunter: Okay, fine. I may not be Bulbasaur. But where IS Bulbasaur? And for that matter... Where are you? Charmander: Well wherever I am, it's not scary. Haunter: Are you...sure about that? (Camera pans out to reveal a laughing stool) Charmander: That stool over there is laughing at me. Why would that scare me? Haunter: But WHY is the stool laughing at you? You're not very funny. Why would it be laughing at YOU? (Haunter and the stool are now laughing with each other) (The real Bulbasaur walks up the stairs and finds Charmander) Bulbasaur: Charmander, I don't know if I wanna- Oh wait, never mind. I like this room. along with the stool Haunter: Maybe I'm overthinking this one. I'm not accustomed to working with the DULL. (The laughing stool is gone) Bulbasaur: Oh hey! You're the ghost from my idea! Have you seen our friend Squirtle? He's blue and he has a shell and he Squirtle talks like this! Charmander: It's no use, Bulbasaur. He doesn't want to help us. He's just trying to scare us for some dumb reason. The only one who really wanted to help was Squirtle. Now he's gone. sigh I spent so much time trying to shut him up. But Squirtle actually knew how to solve our problems. We can't do this without him. (A blue figure holding a shell walks over, claiming to be Squirtle) "Squirtle": Cheer up, friend! For it is I, Squirtle! Let us continue our adventures together! (Charmander breathes fire at him, revealing the fake Squirtle as Haunter) Haunter: AH! Dpdah-! OW! OW!!! Charmander: That's not even close to what he looks like! Haunter: You're supposed to engage with it! Part of the horror experience is suspension of disbelief! Charmander: Tkk- Okay, fine! uh uhh- mockingly AAAhhh!! Oh! A spooky spooky ghost! Aaah! Noooo! normal Happy? (Gastly appears behind Charmander, again) Gastly: BLEH! Charmander: Aaaaah!!! sounds Bulbasaur: Heh heh heh heh heh. I'm havin' a pretty good day so far. Haunter: You are by FAR the most TASTELESS and UNPLEASANT individuals that I have EVER had the dissatisfaction of dealing with! Charmander: Excuse me!? All I wanted to do was climb the tower! You're the one insisting on doing this spooky dooky haunted house crap! I have REAL enemies that are trying to KILL me! All you're doing is pretending! And none of it is scary because none of it is REAL! (Hitmonchan-Missingno. appears before them, glitching out like mad) Charmander: Okay, look. It's- it's not working. Just...tell me what I have to do. Haunter: It's... It's beautiful! (Hitmonchan-Missingno. is complimented by Haunter) Haunter: It's so perfect! A statement on the existential dread of our binary existence! Horror expressed via the pure agony of BEING in a simulated reality where being itself is completely meaningless! (Haunter is taken by Hitmonchan-Missingno., becoming one with it) Charmander: I'm done. I'm not gonna humor this anymore. (Charmander breathes fire at Hitmonchan-Haunter-Missingno., but it is ineffective) Charmander: I have had enough of your tricks! Either fight me or leave me alone! Bulbasaur: Uh, Charmander... Charmander: I tried empathy! I went along with your... spooky thing or whatever. So now it's your turn. You're a Pokemon just like me! And Pokemon FIGHT! So FIGHT ME! COME ON! FIGHT ME!!! (Mewtwo appears before Charmander can take a hit) Mewtwo: DO NOT TOUCH THAT! (Mewtwo flings Charmander away with his psychic abilities, then proceeds to fire telekinetic bolts at Hitmonchan-Haunter-Missingno.) Mewtwo: Hhhurrh! RaaAAAhh!! Back beast! BACK! CRAWL BACK INTO THE NOTHINGNESS FROM WHENCE YOU CAME! HRRHH HRHH HURHHH! RAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAHHH!!!!! (Hitmonchan-Haunter-Missingno. completely disappears after being hit by the last bolt) Mewtwo: Ughh.... YOU! (uses his psychic powers to choke Charmander) Do you have ANY IDEA what you've done? Your actions have DOOMED US ALL! Ohhhh... You're incredibly lucky that I don't have the time. If I did I would make you SUFFER! I'd let you feel all the PAIN and BURDEN you've loaded onto me! Do you enjoy SLEEPING? I know I USED TO!!! Bulbasaur: Excuse me, Mister Floating Guy... I know you're busy choking my friend and all but I was wondering if you'd seen my other friend Squirtle around. We lost him, and... Du- I- I- I mean, I guess we're kinda lost too. Mewtwo: sigh (Mewtwo stops choking Charmander, Charmander catches his breath) Mewtwo: You know what? You created this mess. It should be your responsibility to clean it up. Come here. (teleports them to Viridian Forest) Viridian Forest. The third starter is located at this spot exactly. Bulbasaur: Wh- w- where is he? Mewtwo: I suppose he's... Down. Underground. So dig downwards until you find him then come find me. Charmander: cough Why didn't you just take us underground? Mewtwo: TELEPORTATION IS AN EXTREMELY RISKY- I don't have time for this. (teleports away, then teleports back with Sandshrew) YOU. DIG. NOW! Sandshrew: AAAHH! OKAY! (starts digging) Mewtwo: Cerulean Cave. You got that? I'll be in Cerulean Cave. Come back and find me there. Cerulean. Cave. And if you see ANYTHING that doesn't look REAL, do NOT touch it! (Mewtwo teleports away) Charmander: Well, whatever that was, it finally gave me a straight answer. That's all I needed to hear. Let's go! Bulbasaur: Charmander, wait. Do we really just want to go along with this? I mean... We don't know what's down there. Maybe instead of just following whatever the- Charmander: Stop! Stop talking. It doesn't matter what you're about to say. As soon as you're finished talking you're gonna go in anyway. Oh and look! You are finished talking. So go. Bulbasaur: Daaww, okay! (Bulbasaur goes down the hole) Charmander: Squirtle... You'd better be in there. (Charmander goes down the hole) (Episode ends) Category:Episode transcripts